Don't Herper Hate

You Think Just Cause a Guy Likes Reptiles He Can't Start Some Shit!



The pinch of goose bumps shrink wrapped to the coarse black hair that stood at attention on my bare white ass, woke me up Saturday morning. I fumbled into my pink AA undies while leaning in to kiss my super sexy girlfriend still passed out under the the covers. I pulled myself into my car and threw my hood up while I waited for the heat to kick in and burn the frost off my windshield then.... Bell Biv Devo started blaring from my phone, Yea that's right I have the Northern Berks Reptile Show programed into my cell calender and I'm not afraid to admit it.

So I rolled into Hamburg about 11, and I had to circle the lot 4 or 5 times before I could find a spot. The line for admission trailed out the door a hundred or so feet. Apparently I've been out of the reptile game for a while cause the last time I was there, which was probably 6 or 7 years ago, there wasn't a quarter as many people as there was on Saturday. The lot was filled with characters from all walks of life, apparently Stetson hats are big in 08 with reptile enthusiasts. The girl standing in front of me wearing a purple fedora was making wise cracks about the geico commercial were they classify the gecko as an amphibian which made me laugh... mostly because every time that commercial comes on I'm guilty of snickering "ppssshh fuckin idiots!" under my breath. Some old bloak pushing 60 strolled buy getting all heated about a colinoscophy he had that resulted in a rather sever infection in his anouse. After soaking in the local color for about 30 minutes I finally made it in.

Womas and Vipers and Frogs Oh My

Shit just got real! If you don't frequent herp expos aside from needing a lesson in cool, you have no idea what your missing. I turn to my left as woman that looks like she just walked off the set of Baps breezed by me pinching her cell between her 4 inch acrylic nails just past her I see a skull cap wearing thugs sharing his thoughts with a wet curl pony tailed taped glasses wearing dweeb I look to my right and see a father with his 2 boys, fresh off a J Crew photo shoot, asking for husbandry advice from what could have been Dee Sniders stunt double from Strange Land, I look straight ahead and see a group of sceansters staring into a baby alligator tank their eyes twinkling with delight completely void of any feelings of superiority. In this crazy backwards world I just walked into it doesn't matter what your wearing, what you look like or where you came from , but don't worry kids this seemingly faceless utopia of wonder doesn't lack the social higher Archy that we all strive to climb. So here's what you need to know to get down in reptile town, this is a potential hipster gold mine.

Ball Pythons
Their huge right now, but don't go running to PetSmart just yet Blood lines will make or break your buzz worthy potential.

Normal Ball Python: This is like the equivalent of a peace from the Jesse James Collection at Walmart


Caramel Albino Ball Python: Something your personal shopper might pick up for you at Sacks



For those who understand Neon's and Pastels go with everything here's a few hot items to consider

Rhino Viper


African Bush Viper


Panther Chameleon


Gila Monster

Blue and Black Dart Frogs



My New Edition to The PostSkunk Family

I managed to show a great deal of self restraint threw out the day. I'm not gonna lie, if I had 2k to drop I would have picked up this leachianus that was about the size of a guinea pig, it was probably one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever seen, I got a little bit of movement. But when it came to the Baby Alligator Snappers I couldn't resist. They have found wild Alligator Snappers with bullets lodged in them from the Civil war the largest confirmed turtle weighed in at 236 lbs. And if that isn't Bad Ass enough for you, while researching them, I found several news articles about an Alligator snapper at the New England Aquarium that was seized in an NYC drug raid. Apparently the Drug dealer was using it to guard his stash, and even better yet they all reported that this was a growing trend with drug dealers! And While I might not be using it to guard drugs, A guy with an Alligator Snapper is not someone with whom to Fuck.

Name: Boogie Board
Ocupation: Cool
Status: So 2009

USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!

My Friday Top 5 YouTube Count Down

So I took it easy today, ran earns and did office shit instead of doing on site work, mainly because there is a Friday The Thirteenth, The Series marathon on the Sci Fi channel and honestly this shits bangging just as hard as it did back in 89! Now I have 45 minutes to kill before my 4:00 inspection so I figured I'd share a few youtube clips that eather people have sent me or I've come across threw my streaming video travels, that have really tickled my fancy.

#5
I had this one tucked away in my favorites for a while, and honestly it never gets old. I think the boogie board pump really fuels its Stay Power!




#4
Katykraft sent me this one Via Myspace and I think it speaks for itself




#3
This one goes out to all you Democrats out there, you might want to put down Cherly Temples so you don't choke on the cherry!
(complements of Alison V)




#2
This is who I've been partying with lately
(complements of Amy)




#1
And for the number one spot I've got something real special for you kids. This Video Completes Me! Learn it, Know it, Live it!

PostSunk and The Time Machine + Costa Rica = Legendary Binder

We arrived in Miami @ 9:20 am Wednesday morning. The flight from Newark was nothing short of Obnoxious. The mood was set, it wasn't a good one but during are brief stint in Miami International it was about to take a serious shift Which would set the mood for the next nine days. It took us 15 minutes to find a bar that would serve us at 9:35 in the am but during our travels threw the terminals Frequent signs that read Admirals club this way brought new hope to our declaration of war on sobriety. We turned countless corner and then low and behold their she was, like a street harlot and her sweet talking siren-esk accomplice the smokers lounge not far behind. I was scratching my neck like I had bugs under my skin jones'n for a trip to flavor country, so Time Machine hit up the bar while I rekindled my friendship with good old Philip Morris.

The Machine roles up to the Bar gabs a moheto, an elegant choice for the am, and asks the bar Maid politely "Am I aloud to bring this outside into the Smokers lounge?" at which point she leaned forward, pushed her elbows into the bar and her palms into her face as if she was about to proposition him, then says "Honey, This is Miami! You can do what ever the Fuck You Want!"

He then proceeded to join me outside acceding threw the cloud of smoke, Tobacco enthusiasts, and Florida's native fauna, reminiscent of Sogornie Weiver fighting to save a gray back Gorilla. I'm two butts deep and we raise our eyebrows in sketched out amusement as this busted broad sitting to my left revels she's a model/artist/recording artist/philly native/lonely/problematic drinker/has a brother who called her mom a slut and got a shotgun pulled in his face by his step dad and he's a pussy because of it or something like that/ect./ect./ect./ect. to the, I'm assuming, total trash on the other end of her sidekick.

In an effort to avoid sheer classless fever we sucked down the rest of our cigarets and made a b line back to the Admirals club. In approach we were greeted by a Dior sunglass wearing greased up Miamite Fag, that I'm pretty sure wasn't flying but rather trying to pick up young unassuming drunk traveling boys at the local airport bar, who proceeded to try to strike up a conversation with the Machine saying something like" so your back for more" undressing me and him with his eyes the whole time he breathed " and you've brought friends, how delightful." trying not to soak in to much of his over bering efeminine lisp we burn by him too and hit up the bar maid for some more juice. Time takes down a tequila combo meal while I house an extra large bloody mary, then take off back to our terminal in hopes of boarding.

On our Journey back I started to glair at this skantolusly Fab fedora wearing, G N R T shirt rockin, evil eye giving broad. Then realize that she can smell the testosterone coming her way, Which Lohans Siscor Sister obviously didn't not appreciate. We got on the plane, took off, and were on our way to San Jose.

I didn't have much chance to keep a log of the rest of the trip. Our time was mostly consumed by dollar twenty five litters of Beer, Public Nudity, Brushes with the various security Guards, Exotic animal hunts, Redefining the meaning of the fraise Pool Party, Knee Drop after Knee Drop, general debauchery, and photo shoots that will basically ensure I never get elected to public office. So with that said I present you with American Boys in Costa Rica AKA the rest of the trip!

This was one of the more classic moments of the trip, which I believe needs it's own spot light in this post.

So were at this water fall in La Fortuna surrounded by rain forest and Time see these dudes hanging out on a rock. He try's to say whats up but alas they don't speak English. So he proceeds to point to their bannana hamicks, then to his bannana hamick, then to the camra.... Walks up to them, puts his arm around one and, pose for the camra. I guess they didn't know what to make of this so they just went along with it. It was FUCKIN CLASSIC

You Should Check Out Time Machines blog at
click the link below

The Party Dolphin

My Bad

Sorry I haven't been posting lately I've been busy having sex. My Bad

Heres a photo to hold you over

Q & A

Dear Postskunk,

1) What happens to the animals once you catch them? I know you release them, but where?

2) What sort of training does one have to endure to become a licensed WCO?

3) What was the worst attack you ever sustained from an animal?

4) What is happening to the adorable family of motherless fox pups??

I could go on...

xo - Amy

The Short Answers:

1) Two words........Show Business





2)





3) It was from a Vietnamese Fire Breathing Bat back in the early days, when sideburns were still cool!





4) I'm not sure.......the ungrateful little shits never write!



I saw this today in the News and I though it might be Blog-worthy

His name is Yosuke, he was missing but when the cops picked him up he eventually told them his name and address. This guy is almost as cool as the African Grey that let us know that "the Rapture is coming" and that we need to read our bibles! Click Here for the post with his video in it Let me tell you about another person who thinks animals are cute........Jesue


Click her to read the whole Yosuke saga




One Last Thing
Fan mail Photo of me & my #1 K9 Fan



Disclamer: PostSkunk does not condone drinking while Controlling Wild Animals!

What Does This Cowboy Think This Is Livejournal?

Wildlife waits for no one man so I've been working around the clock tryin to keep the peace with this whole Man vs Nature Suburban hustle I call a job/ Way of Life! (hence the recent lack of content on my little blogspot brainchild) And not to sound like a winnie little bitch or anything but, this week I feel like I didn't embrace my Catchin Skunks Gettin Paid Credo the way it's meant to be embraced (Background: I attribute my business sense to Cam'ron but instead of selling crack I catch Wild animals........no homo ya know)

Two things that Tickled my Fancy in an otherwise shitty week

#1: Blah Blah Bitch [THE BLOG-E-BLOG] sent me the Sun Lips - Black Moth Super Rainbow video, which I'd never seen before and now am totally in love with! Check It Out


#2: I'm smitten with this picture of Amy I found on her myspace page.



Super Fan # 1 over here really knows what this PostSkunk shit is all about. Get a load of how Rad this photo is! Is She at a Furry convention? Is this some kind of bootleg mascot dive bar? Is Amy fallowing Paul McCarthys lead and producing some sort of Disney-esk erotic performance art? Maybe in Prague animal costumes are like a really big scene & this was the Vaca photo I didn't see? Maybe it's something really great I can't even think of yet?.....


ASK POSTSKUNK: YOU GOT QUESTIONS? I GOT ANSWERS!
Submit all questions in the form of comments at the bottom of this post! I'll Answer them in a new post next week!
If this proves Blog worthy I'll do it regularly, if you think this is a lame idea comment about how it sux!

Um excuse me, whats this post about again?

It's Monday morning, 2:00 am, have to work in a few hours, this is what I got for ya tonight cowboys and girls.




Um excuse me, could you please turn down that light we've got a wicked handover?




Um excuse me, I seem to have gotten myself in a bit of a pickle here?




Um excuse me, ya think you could spare a Marlboro?




Um excuse me, did you ever know how fun digging holes is cause it's really really fun, seriously I'm really good at it?




Um excuse me, would you happen to have any more raw chicken?




Um excuse me, do you think it'd be ok if we popped some of your bubble rap please?




Um excuse me, does insulation make you itchy too?




Um excuse me, have you seen my mom?




Um excuse me, my name is muscles and my analyst says that why I have anger management problems?




Um excuse me, I see you have a double chin you should try curves?

This shit is straight fire!
Hit them up on the myspace music

My pal Katykraft is nothing short of AMAZING. I think this video explanes it all!
If this doesn't persuede you to check her out on the myspace you probably shouldn't be on PostSkunk in the first place!
Katykraft's Myspace

Check out this video: billy france et katykraft



Add to My Profile | More Videos

2nd on our musical safari tonight is our old friend electronic musical extraordinar the one the only Party Time 2000. Hit up his new tracks on the myspace they never disappoint (and play Champagne one time for me while your there). I'm The One is Stainless, you've done it again cowboy.
Part Time 2000 Myspace

ROCK ME GENTLY

THIS IS WHAT MY LIFE IS LIKE.........EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK!!!!!!!!



There must be an ex-WCO on the creative development team over at Jeep?

"we’re taking the sexual fringe community by storm" - eroticfalconry.com

This post is long over due. A week or two ago my good friend Amy, who's so hot right now! turned me on to something my words probably can't do justice. For those of you who don't know me personally, I'm super into falconry, and I hate the whole Ren-fest/ bolly-wood cheesy eastern prince stereotypes that are readily associated with Falconers. It's about time Falconry stepped into the 21st century and picked up a way rad stigma for a change.




EROTICFALCONRY.COM

This site is amazing. I'm really excited about the video section that for me, couldn't come soon enough. The stills are pretty fantastic, but the best part by far are the personals. It's a small site so I don't want to give away to much but here's a little sneak peak. Meet Gort the golden eagle, Love Style: Brutal, Likes: Tearing and glaring, Looking for: Women who can shut the fuck up for once in their lives.







Go to eroticfalconry.com ........of course!

also

Check out Amy's work at www.amy-wilson.com it's whats big in '08!

SLACKER!!!!

Sorry every one, it's baby season so I've been controlling wildlife with style around the clock. New posts are coming super soon!!!!! Also this weekend I will be filming the POSTSKUNK TV promo's which I'm jumping out of my paper denim jeans about, it's kind of a big deal!!!!!! Hold on to your saddles cowboys and gals, SHITS ABOUT TO GET REAL!!!!!!!

open air quotes "WHITE NOSE SYNDROME" close air quotes!!

Over the last few months in New York State, bats have been turning up dead by the thousands with a mysterious "white ring" around their noses. You really got to hand it to the little guys, in a matter of two seasons not only did they managed to make rabies big in 08 with their special guest appearance at SXSW, but now they've become the first wild animal to fully embrace the coolness that accompanies the world of Designer Drugs. I wonder if they all hang around their drug den/bat caves listening to SNOWBLIND while the alpha bat jumps one of the lesser bats and bites his head off in a cracked out attempt to court some of the lady bats. I'm not implying that they died from hittin the slopes a little to hard, I don't go by Coach and I'm not your high school health teacher, But the winter months are cold and many, so I'm sure that it didn't take long before their "man" tossed a few wax-paper baggy free-bees in with the usual order, ya know to take the edge off! Every week my pal, the lovely Brooklynite responsible for the fantastic SHEER blog, dedicates a drink to a deserving party. I think for this week (and maybe several weeks to come) I would like to buy a 40 from that illusive dive bar, and drop some on the curb for all my little buddies who kept on going and rode the COOL WAVE all the way into the sunset, we won't forget ya guys. Party on dudes...............Party On.

Shit the Wildlife rehab scene is gonna get bonkers before summers end, you herd it here first kiddies.


If you want to read more about the research being conducted to help cure white nose syndrome go to:
http://www.ens-newswire.com/ens/jan2008/2008-01-31-094.asp

And you should also check out one of PostSkunk's favorite blogs, if you didn't catch the link above:
http://sheerblog.blogspot.com/




Sorry guys. I know you live in a deep dark creepy cave and all, but you can call off the search party there are no dragons hiding back there!

Michel Vick's Dog's Are so 2007!

Sorry Vick, at least when you were the most hated man in America you were still somebody. There's some new kids on the block putting their fists up ready to fight.......all six or more of them. JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS, the biggest thing to come out of Japan since the 5.6.7.8's! Two Bugs Enter....One Bug Leaves! I have to say this does upset me a little bit, but seriously once you watch one you can't stop.

Some Highlights:

Round 11: The Blue lobster benches lobster size dumbbells to pump up for fight!

Round 25: The Rhino Beetle and the Emperor Scorpion fight on a log dodging a watery grave at every turn!

ANY FIGHT WITH: The Japanese Hornet (I Think) in it. He really knows how to FUCK SHIT UP!

Check them out at:
japanesebugfights.com




Disclaimer: PostSkunk does not advocate harming insects or anything else with an exoskeleton!

EASTER + POSTSKUNK = RABBIT POST!!!!! : A Bunny Tribute

It's Easter so you guessed it, PostSkunk's throwing in it's two sense about rabbits. Now as a WCO I don't do much in the way of controlling rabbits, the main reason being......their complete live wires! But never the less, anyone can appreciate how the rabbit has positioned itself in the wonderful world of wildlife, and from what I gather, they do! "FUCKING LIKE RABBITS", the Playboy Bunny, Frank Kozik's smoking bunny signature, the unbearably cute factor, the outshine Jesus on his big day factor, the snuggle factor.......and the list goes on!




"FUCKING LIKE RABBITS"
Scenario: Your living in an apartment. Several times, every night you here bed post's breaking dry wall and frantic adult themed moans. To a friend or coworker you describe your neighbors actions by saying " they never stop......_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _? it goes on all night every night".
responsibility for the cliche alone, holds major bragging rights!
Well done my friend........Well done





The Kozik Bunny
It manages to make it's way into almost every issue of Juxtapoz, one way or another. In many circles it's pretty well recognized, and of course Kozik's totally Rad.





Aside from the, trashy in a bad way, tramp stamps that seem to run rampant in the lovely state of New Jersey.....I think the Playboy bunny deserves a lot of credit. It might not be as cool as the FOX Magazine fox, but that has more to do with how tame Playboy is then the bunny itself. Hue Hefner is really pretty amazing guy, he's kind of like the Edouard Manet of the 20th and 21st century.......yea I said it!!!





Today, Bunnies are Bigger the Jesus
Sure Jesus died, 2008 years ago today, for our sin's but come on.....did he ever bring us CANDY!
I don't know about you, but I've never herd of a fish and loaves of bread hunt?
(Me and Leann were having this argument last night........Looks like I WIN!!!)







The Cute/Snuggle factor is pretty self explanatory
Here are a few visual aids.




Maybe it's just me, but I think this rabbit is adorable!



I added this one because it reminds me of an old friends....Coolest rabbit ever! I still have chew holes in the crotches of all my old sweat pants from Frankie Teardrop, who was named for my favorite suicide song!!!

Cas​e Stu​dy:​ Pos​tSk​unk​ Rel​eas​e Pro​ced​ure​

A lot of you have probably thought to yourselves, "boy this guy really took that importance of proper attire while handling skunks, joke and ran with it!" and I can understand the skepticism. A lot of people don't believe in the concept of DRESS FOR SUCCESS but I DO! I just took it one step further and applied it to the no hold bar presumably, unpredictable world of wildlife handling. The thought came to me some time ago when observing a skunk wandering around a clients yard. It was throwing out this, don't hate me because I'm beautiful/to cool for skool vibe, in the general direction of these, getting my Corona on, blond frosted hair, Abercrombie board short wearing bro-skys who were playing dispatch covers with their bongos and an acoustic guitar, on the deck next door. Before I even noticed how put off the skunk was by this offensive display, I myself threw up a little bit in my mouth. I took a good look at the skunk and its distinguishing black & white coat. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, every hipster girl I've ever dated (or for that matter, wanted to date) always gravitated towards this same color scheme.......shit the black and white outfit is basically the cornerstone for the hipster way of life. AND SO THE EXPERIMENT WAS BORN!!

The following photo set was a case study I did today to support my theory's on the PostSkunks reaction to the Modern/ Gen-Y WCO.
(click on photos to enlarge)



PHOTO 1
Cas​e Stu​dy:​ Pos​tSk​unk​ Rel​eas​e Pro​ced​ure





PHOTO 2
Exh​ibi​t A: Not​ice​ the​ Tor​toi​se She​ll Way​far​er's & the​ Cow​boy​ Nec​ker​chi​ef




PHOTO 3
Pos​tSk​unk​ Cau​tio​usl​y eme​rge​s fro​m tra​p to obs​erv​e her​ sur​rou​ndi​ngs




PHOTO 4
Exh​ibi​t B: Not​ice​ Rea​cti​on to typical Mys​pac​e sel​f por​tra​it pos​e





PHOTO 5
Pos​tSk​unk​ lin​ger​s & does a double take to adm​ire​ her​ cap​tor​s Sty​le Sense




PHOTO 6
Fin​din​gs:​ Pos​tSk​unk​ has​ pos​iti​ve rea​cti​on to the​ mod​ern​/Ge​n-Y​ WCO

Rabies!!! The next big thing to come out of SXSW!!!

The other day my best good friend, and member of the overnight sensation COMPLETE LIVEWIRE EUROPEAN ~~ Party Time Machine, sent me a link to a Brooklyn vegan post about a rabies scare at SXSW. This made my year, shit this might just beat out risking life and limb to save that fuckin goose from the 28 degree Raritan last month!! This should very well be the start of WCO's rightfully becoming the next top priority on the scenestars radar. Cut Copy, Yeasayer, Simian Mobile Disco, R.E.M, Rachel Ray's after party (not some hip band name, the actual event) and now RABIES making a memorable cameo at Texas's no holds bar city wide hipsterrific music festival. I see Rabies being as big as say Vampire Weekend is right now, mark my words by this time next months instead of hearing Mansard Roof at the beginning and end of every Real World Road Rules challenge commercial break, MTV is going to just play video and sound clips of day 6 thew 10 rabies infected dog and/or raccoons!!!! This has so many marketable features, like take for instance the fact that 60,000 people a year die from rabies in Asia & Africa (and those are only the documented cases) because they have no legitimate Animal Control Officer program in place or rabies prevention plan. Bono's going to be all over this shit and I'm sure Angelina and Brad won't be far behind. Just make sure you Remember who the original Gen-Y Bad Boy - Cutting Edge culture/lifestyle aficionado (bla bla bla....verbally jerk myself off some more...bla bla) Wildlife/Animal Control Officer Operator was, Kids! I wonder if this could get me the kind of celebrity it takes to get invited to Flavor Country, Marlboro's Corporate Ranch retreat for Philip Morris executives. I don't know about you guys but I'm super excited to see how this all pans out!

CHECK OUT: COMPLETE LIVEWIRE EUROPEAN on myspace
http://www.myspace.com/completelivewireeuropean





THE FLIER THAT STARTED IT ALL!!!!



If anyone is at SXSW and reads this post while their, please please please......grab a copy of one of these fliers of a telephone pole or where ever for me!!!!........I'll give the first person who gets me a legitimate original copy of this flier a free POSTSKUNK T-SHIRT I'll even make it the Glow Cat One!!!!!!! (as soon as they get printed)

OMG POSTSKUNK!!!!!

CLICK ME!!!
CLICK ME!!!
CLICK ME!!!!

FUCK DOES THIS WORK ON ANYONES COMPUTER WITHOUT CLICKING ON IT!!!!!
There goes a half hour of my life spent on them god dame animated gif's!!!!
technology...figures!!!!