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Thursday, February 28, 2008

Gay fruit flies, I bet that scientist is awesome at party's



First things first I'm gonna try to leave the overwhelming Irony alone, with this one. So according to a study published in the journal Nature Neuroscience there is a gene that can be manipulated in fruit flies that will make them "gender blind". These GB males treat other males just the same as they would a female, including getting down with them. Here's another example of the kind of tolerant representatives of the animal kingdom this new millennium of ours has been waiting for. Unofficially the LOGO network has bought the rights to this research in hopes of producing the reality based show Queer Gene For The Straight Guy, taking this whole metro-sexual craze to the next level. I didn't read anything about taking gay fruit flies and making them straight, just taking straight ones and switching them back and forth. Sorry bible pushers looks like this isn't that solution you've been waiting for after all, so keep up the good work with those "Gods will" help groups for all those "confused souls". Maybe if you pray really hard it really might happen for you next time.



Here are some example of Gender Blind fruit flies that are exploring the world of High Fashion

This makes me really happy



Before I was a WCO among other things I worked at a Vet. I was a "kennel attendant" which translates to shit cleaner upper. I don't have a sense of smell so this wasn't that big of a deal for me and I liked being around dogs all day, but one thing really bothered me about the job. There were a lot of high profile dog owners who frequented this place and when they would come into the back they would refuse to address me directly. Even if I was standing next to them they would have to say something to the Dr. like "tell the kennel kid to make sure to....". And so my extreme hated for rich pompous fucking dog ladies came to be! This book is the stuff dreams are made of, seriously I dream about this and wake up really happy in the morning. Watching some trophy wife with a million dollars worth of diamonds on her hand roll a plastic bag over it and pick up her spoiled little shit of a dogs fecal matter, is on about the same level as sex for me. I just found out about this book only minutes before starting this post but I guaranteer you that I will be ordering it off amazon before the night is threw.

to buy Hollywood Squat from Amazon click here

SIDE NOTE: Dont worry, real posts comming soon. This will be the last of the review of product to buy on amazon, posts for a while. Hang tight.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

"Your not gonna be able to ask it about the latest Madonna album"




It tore it up at Sundance last year and made it to the Directors Fortnight sidebar at Cannes, if you haven't had a chance to see it get a copy immediately. ZOO is the story of the death of Mr. Hands told threw intervies with Coyote, H, and The Happy Horseman. This movie is absolutely amazing. Yes it is about a bunch of men who are brought together by their love for getting Fucked by horses, but as unbelievable as it sounds thats not the best reason to see this movie. The initial novelty of the subject mater wears off pretty much as soon as it starts. The, I'll hesitantly call them, dramatic reenactments run the entire length of movie while Coyote and the guys explain what drives them to do this. The footage director Devor produces is so well shot and so dramatic that it pretty much deprives these men of the stigma that prior to this movie, defined them. Even the musical score has this eerie elegance to it. Threw the course of this movie your going to sympathize with these men and find yourself totally turned off by Jenny Edwards of Hope for Horses. I don't want to give away to much of the movie but I found myself honestly upset when Jenny reveals that she had Kevlar (I think it was him and not Strut it's kind of unclear) gelded the night she "rescued him". One of the wildest things about this whole story is that prior to "Mr Hands" internally bleeding to death in July of 2005, having sex with animals was totally legal in Washington State, so Zoo-ophiles flocked there.


Buy ZOO from Amazon Click Here, Do It Seriously


AFTER
you watch the movie, if you want to know Mr. Hands real name do a search for the movie on wikipedia



Friday, February 22, 2008

be prepared to change your position on cloning entirely



It's just before midnight, you're at the bar, you take a knee and kill your third PBR and Turkey 101 combo meal, you look at the dance floor and see like 40 banging ladies begging for someone to blow their minds. You look to the left, theirs a dude with a bandanna around his neck shooting toy guns at this scantily-clad minx who's eye are shouting out in pain "IT'S BEEN DONE!". You look to the right, there's a guy vogueing his Gazelles and Ed Hardy T in this deliciously fit wet-dream of a harlots face, who with every fist pump of the air signals "SAVE ME.....PLEASE SAVE ME". Then you look dead ahead, theres and open spot on the dance floor. The DJ drops the track, Champaign - Part Time 2000 starts kicking into full gear. You smell the sweat beading up on all the borderline she-males/80's boogaloo jerkoffs forehead's, who's ears are warning them "maybe were out of our league on this one".
Pop-quiz asshole.....what do you do!?!!?

A fucking running knee slide out onto that dance floor is what you do. Then you reach into your woven leather Bottega Veneta handbag and pull out your.................Brand New GLOW IN THE DARK Turkish Angora Cat fresh out of South Korea!

(I bet all you who said US military involvement in the Korean war was inappropriate have some pretty red faces right about now)

As you wave that pussy in the air like you just don't care the females start to be pulled to you like the cat is one of those electric bug zapper lights, and they are just a bunch of unsuspecting sexy moths. Before you know it the dance floor turns into some awesome parody of that seen form Boogie Nights were Dirk Diggler and Broc Landers are at the disco and Broc fades back as all the women move in and start swoon over dirk.

Now I know the whole cloning thing is kind of creepy, but seriously GLOW IN THE DARK CATS i mean come on, thats pretty fucking awesome. Plus it would make feral cat night chases like a million times easier for ACO's. Please everyone write your congressmen about this one if for nothing else but the greater good of coolness.

check out PARTY TIME 2000 on myspace it's definitely worth you time
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=103807327

MP3
PARTY TIME 2000 - My Moustache

(real glow in the dark cats below, check it out)

Monday, February 18, 2008

Let me tell you about another person who thinks animals are cute........Jesus

Man these god pushers sure are clever. First came Christian rock, then came the born again alt-teen. Now evangelicalism has a new face, and it's cute and fuzzy and you just want to hug it.
The Animals and Religion Network aka "the Proc Flock" made me realize just how jaded I was before I stumbled upon salvation.

Before: I thought it was ok to donate to animal shelters and wildlife foundations

Now: I know that I'm supposed to filter that money threw a religious organization so they can decide were god wants it to go.

Before: I thought I was doing a good thing by helping out others with their animal in distress problems

Now: I realize what god really wants is for me to make every one of my clients sign "A Religious Proclamation For Animal Compassion"

Before: (and worst of all) I thought I really liked animals a lot

Now: I realize if your not liking animals with god on your side, well you might as well not like them at all.

If you too want to join the "Proc Flock" check out this link
http://network.bestfriends.org/religion/news/


And if that's not enough to make a you a believer, then maybe this bird just might talk some sense into ya.
(warning: this might give you nightmares)




Thursday, February 14, 2008

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

Happy Valentines Day from PostSkunk


- Hanging out at PostSkunk head quarters with the notoriously awesome possum, pre-gaming for the one night of the year when single women are the most vulnerable.

Opossums Fact - they make great wingmen if your looking for a wild time. As legend has it the Opossum uses it's forked penis to have sex with the females noise. I think that explains it all.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Find me in the kennal club, bottle full of bub.

Last night the empire state building was lit purple and gold and that could have only meant one thing, Oh the bitch is back (though the party was anything but Stone cold sober....)
There was a lot of excitement on the sod carpet at MSG over the last two days, from the judges, to the handlers, to the dogs themselves.

the first award I would like to give out is in the judges category


The award for creepiest judge goes to: Mr. Elliot B Weiss

the mullet curl, the sleazy smile, and his wondering eyes spending more time on the handlers full figured booty's then the pure breeds handled, together all won this award for him.


The award for pissed judging didn't include handlers German electro Influences goes to:


now, I don't know much about these two but i do know ones named "Billy Bad to the Bone du Domaine du Président" and I'm pretty sure it's the one with the fo-hawk .

The award for handler I'd like to be handled by goes to: Kirsten McGregor
(handling chandler bing #14 yorki) unfortunately I could not get a picture of this foxy little temptress, but between her delicious duotone hair, and body that had Bing in heat I think you remember the hottie I'm talking about.


Now onto the dogs

The award for best back story goes to: Taser the affenpinscher
Taser got his name from his owners two son's who invented the taser
rumor has it the less lethal sidearm carrying security has some influence over this best in breed



The award for most likely to put out goes to: Sophie the Party color Cocker Spaniel
Buy this little bitch an appletini and and let the good times role.


The award for dog that should have won best in show goes to: Lola
Because I've been totally in love with this dog for like 3 years now

She's kind of amazing, but she's more of an after-party dog. She doesn't wast her time with all that pre-party show bullshit



The last award of the night went to Trace Adkins who managed to bring the Honkydonk Badonkadonk back into shelter dogs

Saturday, February 9, 2008

The Urban Cable Restrant Device / WWBGD

Lookout Bucktooth Billy this isn't for snaring the kind of bush meat your used to. Next November 15th trapping session says goodbye to the salt marshes and hello to big city nights.

The Urban Snare by PostSkunk
- dont just catch their eyes

available in
Lamé Gold &
Lamé Fuchsia

Perfect for paring wi
th the Cotton Spandex Strapless Ruched Bodysuit or Lamé Late Night Minni Skirt

coming soon to American Apparel


Today I got a call from two local ACO's who needed help capturing a goose with a broken leg in the canal next to the Raritan. when I got there the snow had just stopped and after about 30 minutes of us playing scar pong with it from both shores I finally thought she was close enough for me to catch her. I pounced up from my ground stalking position with cougar like agility and scrambled to the shore to throw the net over her. I guess I missed because next thing I knew I had chased it into the water up to my shoulders and each time I took a breath, progressively less and less air was actually reaching my lungs. I looked back at the shore 10 feet behind me and the first thing I thought was WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO but then, god bless his soul, I thought what would Bear Grylls do. So I turn and start fist pumping my way back to dry land, every step losing more and more steam. The second I get both my feet in the dirt I tear off my shirt, drop to the ground, and start pumping out push-ups military style just like mother fuck Bear would have done.
After I was breathing for real again I started to reflect on the whole ordeal. The rage, the desperation, the adrenalin, and the testosterone hitting me from all directions made the whole thing this savagely artistic sexual experience. That's when it hit me this would make like a totally amazing American Apparel add, all it needed was like some really flat colors and some totally mashed girls with at least one of their breasts exposed. So coupling that with the whole idea that I just as easily could have not made it out of that canal (which made me all prolific and ambitious) had me realizing my full calling in life. I was not only meant to be the worlds greatest WCO, but I was also meant to become the worlds greatest WCO advocate.
And how you ask. Well, by incorporation the unforgiving world of animal removal and control fashion into the mainstream and there by adapting it to potentially an equally savage concrete jungle.

My first peace is going to be the Urban Snare.
I'm in the process of developing a proto-type along with a marketing report that I'm hoping to pitch to Dov Charney before the fall session. So if anyone wants a pre-release let me know, I might be able to hook it up.




Yeah.... Hell Yeah!!!

Friday, February 8, 2008

And Tango Makes Two: the chapter you didn't read

Pengwins are all the rage right now. It seems like I can't turn on prime time Discovery channel without hearing Morgan Freeman's voice describing an unforgiving life in the Arctic. Mumble, the tap dancing star of Happy feet won the hearts of American's showing us that tap dancing can be cool even if it doesn't include that guy with the dreeds from the late 90s pepsi commercials. Cody Maverick, Surfs Up, I think we all weren't to surprised when we couldn't get tickets to that opening weekend. But then there was Tango, Stardom wasn't quite so kind to Tango as it was his fellow child celebrity's. Apparently places like Southwick, Massachusetts and Shiloh, Illinois were not so big on the tolerant, new millennium, anything goes attitudes advocated by the staff at the Central Park Zoo. After the Buzz about Manhattans favorite gay penguin parents faded, Silo's supposed love knows no bounds attitude, started to as well.

In a recent interview with Silo he explains his side of the story,
"In the beginning we were just having some fun, you know. I mean were we just two penguins with a rock, me and Roy, buddy's with benefits." Latter in the interview he trys to explain, "I don't know I mean everyone was experimenting at that age, I was young, I was confused, it's Manhattan, come on? Then all of a sudden they replaced the rock with an egg..... Oh GOD ..... it just made Roy so happy and I couldn't take that away from him. And Tango.... I never wanted to bring him into a broken home .... but I cant be some thing I'm not. God I cant even come out of the penguin cave with out zoo go'ers yelling ANNE HECHE at me." after he compses himself he finally finishes the interview telling us, "You know it's gotten better though me and Scrappy were real happy together and My parents are speaking to me again. life's starting to go back to normal and thats all I really want now."

Scrappy was unavailable for comment

Roy has since left the zoo and resided s at an undisclosed location

And poor Tango. After finally overcoming his long term addition to Heroin he decided he was going to devote his life to humanitarian work. We lost little Tango 11/7/07 while engaging in a high risk rescue attempt during the San Fransisco Bay oil spill.

Tango the penguin, may you finally find the peace you so deserve.
we will always remember you pal.


Tango the penguin 2005 - Nov. 7 2007
well miss ya little guy

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Birdman! Birdman! Birdman!

I'm going out to dinner in 5 minutes but I wanted to throw up a quick bulletin.

For those of you who don't know who Birdman is, I'm sorry.  For the rest of you Birdman is exactly the kind of guy that this blog is here to support. Incorporating  a great number of bird calls into southern gangster rap really encompasses the spirit of the what Post Skunk readers are all about.

Don't miss Birdman tonight on
Jimmy Kimmel 12:05AM on ABC!



The cover for his first album is probably 
my favorite album cover of all time

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Uniforms are essential to the success of every Wildlife Control Professional

I’ve been trying to get the 07 Marc Jacobs Vans pretty much since they sold out/day after they came out. I got screwed the first two times I tried to get them off ebay but I finally found a pair on pickyourshoes.com in my size. I fell asleep last night watching an old episode of Dirty Jobs and had a glimpse of what’s in store for me tomorrow after the UPS lady comes up the drive. The opening credits were totally new. instead of Faith No More’s “We Care a Lot” the theam song was a Remix Artist Collective version of Foreigners “Dirty White Boy” and instead of showing various shots of various dirty jobs, it was just a bunch of clips from that show Full Frontal Fashion spliced together with some random street shots in Williamsburg. So then the dream fast forwards a little to my segment where Mike Rowe’s walking threw a second floor hallway introducing my job. But instead of carhartts he’s wearing girl jeans and has the T2 Edward Furlong haircut. All of a sudden the camera slowmoe’s on the panel for the attic pull down stairs and Steve Aoki - Bring It On starts blasting. Then after the appropriate dramatic pause the pull down ladder drops and a cloud of smoke with strobe lights behind it pours down the steps. The first thing you see out of the smoke are my white/gunmetal oldskool Vans X Jacobs coming at the camera (with a fish-eye lense), then through the chaos you start to make out a Hysteric Glamour t-shirt. finally you see me sporting my tortoise shell wayfarers cradling a raccoon in one arm, and fist pumping my other arm in the air to the beat.

I don’t remeber to much after that, but I don’t have to. The seed has already been planted. Look out Discovery chanel, 08’s going to be a big year.

Go here to download Steve Aoki - Bring it on

http://blog.datasapiens.net/2008/02/pillowface-and-his-airplane-chronicles/

And while your at it go to thecobrasnake.com and pick up the full album Pillowface and His Airplane Chronicles


I don’t know about you, but just looking at them gives me some heavy movement




THE DIRT BIKE! THE HAIR! My childhood!

(at least as I like to remember it)

Monday, February 4, 2008

Michael Vick's Dogs are so Hot Right Now!

Move over Britney, Lohan you are so 2007. Amature hour is over girls, there is a new Pack of buzz-worthy rehabers breaking out onto the scene.

What happens when you take 22 of the most buzz worthy doggs and bitchs with a natural talent for throwing down, the deep emotional scars inflicted by the NFLs most promising quarterback/ most hated celebrity inmate in America, a dinamite team of professional television cameramen, the tree hugging Nellies of the largest no kill shelter in America, and Utah’s unforgiving desert. DOGTOWN the gripping new made for TV series documenting the emotional rollercoaster that is… dog rehab!

This is the true story… of twenty two dogs… picked to live in the desert.. and have their lives taped… to find out what happens when dogs stop being polite… and start getting real…DOGTOWN.

Fridays at 9:00pm only on the national geographic channel

for more information http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/channel/dogtown/

This isn’t how dogs who make it onto Dogtown act. I don’t want to hear it, America doesn’t love to buzz about won’t fightdogs!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Punxsutawney Phil says "fuck the weather, six more weeks of ragging!"

It’s February 2nd and that means it’s time once again to take a knee and chug a tall boy in honer of our favorite BAD BOY of the marmot family.

On a consistent basis I’ve been amazed at the cool points groundhogs manage to rack up when I go out on calls. I’ll show up at a house and I’ll find them passed out in the front seat after braking into a car, and I’ve even found one hanging out in hot tub snarling and holding it’s ground anytime someone approached. You thought you and your college buddy’s knew how to leave a party signature on a house, these guy’s get all their buddy’s to come out and collapse the house. It’s like AWK’s music is a way of life for whistle pigs. The affiliation with Bill Murray alone earned them a place on the hot list.

Photo’s from this mornings Puxsutawney debauch-fest kickoff

Translation = let’s get this orgy started!

“I’m gonna make her squeal like a Whistle Pig”

Phil’s bringing back Dr, Seuss hat’s in a BIG WAY. And I, for one, am on board.

Groundhogs days not complete without the official “fuck the police” barker

The man who need’s no introductions, himself

Friday, February 1, 2008

WCO's...I DON'T GET IT? part 1

(WCO = Wildlife Control Operator)

(ACO = Animal Control Operator)

What’s so hype worthy about the dog catcher you ask … only one of the best untapped resources that will give your Gen-Y friends some heavy movement when you throw it in at your next obscure reference focus group.

David Cronenberg’s RABID

Cronenberg references always go over big, ACO’s were appointed by municipalities for the soul purpose of rabies control. This movie was Cronenberg’s homage to these unsung heros, and he opened the publics eyes to the reality that you don’t catch rabies from getting bit by a dog but rather from a giant stinger that shoots out of Marilyn Chambers armpit like an erection.

David Cronenberg’s theatrical version of NAKED LUNCH

this movie showed us it was cool to be exterminator chic in 91 but then the whole heroin chic thing stepped in and shooting up pesticides was left in the dust.

PREDICTION: Chasing the cockroach, in 08, is going to come back in a big way!

also this will be accompanied by the insectuality movement, sparked by the recent success of the critically acclaimed documentary ZOO